International Contest: Speech

Here is the intended text of my speech from the International LeatherSIR contest.

Good evening.

At my regional contest, at the end of the interview, Sir Alan lobbed a hand grenade question at me: “Do you identify as a Sir?”

(hand explodes in front of face)

Deer in the headlights.  I had not prepared for that question.  So I gave a dance-around reply, “I will work to embrace that side of my personality over the next year.”

(sticks out tongue and makes gagging noise)

For the next few months, as I picked shrapnel out of myself, I pondered that question.  What is a Leather Sir, both as a title and a role?  It’s not Mr. Leather.  It’s not Mr. Top or Mr. Master.  It certainly isn’t Mr. Tom of Finland Clone.

But what a Leather Sir and his boy do map to… is a knight and his squire.  And how did someone become a knight, a Sir?  Well, beyond beating the living shit out of someone, a Sir is someone who is known for his skill — at arms — and who is also sought out for those skills.  And by extension, a Leather Sir is known for and sought out for his skill at leather.

As soon as I came to accept that for myself, things started crawling out of the woodwork.  I was asked to do a bondage demo for Rubbout in Vancouver.  I was invited to be a presenter at the pansexual leather conference Northern Exposure in Alaska.  Leatherdykes stop me during country-western dancing to ask about lube for anal fisting.

No.  More.  Shrapnel.

(gestures to Sir Alan, then looks back to the audience)

So, Sir Alan, I have worked to embrace that side of my personality this year and I’m happy to firmly say that: “Yes, I do identify as a Sir.”

Whether I actually got these words out suitably, those in the audience would have to tell you.  But the audience seemed to react in the right places, and as I came off the stage, Sir Alan was smiling and giving me a big double thumbs up.  And that means that the speech was a success.