“Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Being a Titleholder (But Didn’t Know to Ask)”

• Are you thinking about competing for Seattle Leather Daddy/Seattle Daddy’s Boy later this month and have questions or need advice about the specifics of the contest? Or Northwest Bear and Cub?
• Are you thinking about possibly running for some other leather title in the future?
• Are you simply curious about why we have leather titles and what they are all about?

Join Northwest LeatherSIR 2010 Jim Drew and other Seattle titleholders this Thursday at the OutWest Leather Night in West Seattle from 7:30–8:30 and we will help demystify leather titles and help you decide whether they are something you might want to do.

This will be an informal “grab a beer and chat” session rather than a formal workshop setting.  We will have a second session in the next few days at a Capitol Hill location.

International Contest: Speech

Here is the intended text of my speech from the International LeatherSIR contest.

Good evening.

At my regional contest, at the end of the interview, Sir Alan lobbed a hand grenade question at me: “Do you identify as a Sir?”

(hand explodes in front of face)

Deer in the headlights.  I had not prepared for that question.  So I gave a dance-around reply, “I will work to embrace that side of my personality over the next year.”

(sticks out tongue and makes gagging noise)

For the next few months, as I picked shrapnel out of myself, I pondered that question.  What is a Leather Sir, both as a title and a role?  It’s not Mr. Leather.  It’s not Mr. Top or Mr. Master.  It certainly isn’t Mr. Tom of Finland Clone.

But what a Leather Sir and his boy do map to… is a knight and his squire.  And how did someone become a knight, a Sir?  Well, beyond beating the living shit out of someone, a Sir is someone who is known for his skill — at arms — and who is also sought out for those skills.  And by extension, a Leather Sir is known for and sought out for his skill at leather.

As soon as I came to accept that for myself, things started crawling out of the woodwork.  I was asked to do a bondage demo for Rubbout in Vancouver.  I was invited to be a presenter at the pansexual leather conference Northern Exposure in Alaska.  Leatherdykes stop me during country-western dancing to ask about lube for anal fisting.

No.  More.  Shrapnel.

(gestures to Sir Alan, then looks back to the audience)

So, Sir Alan, I have worked to embrace that side of my personality this year and I’m happy to firmly say that: “Yes, I do identify as a Sir.”

Whether I actually got these words out suitably, those in the audience would have to tell you.  But the audience seemed to react in the right places, and as I came off the stage, Sir Alan was smiling and giving me a big double thumbs up.  And that means that the speech was a success.

Bottoming Out: Can a Sir Take It Up the Ass?

A lot of people have an image in their head of a “Leather Sir” which is strongly influenced by Tom of Finland’s “Kake” comics.

What they conveniently forget is that a few pages of the comic later, Kake was often bottoming as well as topping.

(from Kake 13 [1973] and Kake 7 [1970], © Tom of Finland)

There is also pretty broad acceptance that a leatherboy can be, if not a top, at least not just a bottom.  But acceptance that a Sir can like to bottom is harder to come by.

Let’s be frank here: I have been in leather since 1991.  It was that nipple play scene with Jean-Baptiste that really triggered things, I guess.  I have bottomed a lot over the years and topped a lot as well.  And after more than 20 years, I have found there are things I really like to do in each role.

When pressed, I call myself probably 90% top for BDSM play these days.  My last significant sessions as a bottom for flogging or spanking or bondage were a couple years or longer ago, although there was a nice nipple and CBT scene last October.  Guys tend to come to me for these things rather than the other way around.

For “insertive play” — sucking, fucking, fisting, etc.  — I call myself 50/50, willing to take as much as I give.  And I do.  Give me the chance and I will happily hop into the sling first, but if you want the first round, just say so.  Especially for fisting, the connection is as powerful no matter which end of the wrist I am on, and I love love love seeing a guy on my hand processing the same sensations that I have had in the past; it is truly a case of bottom skills informing top skills, and vice versa.

So how does this fit in with my self-image as a Leather Sir?  How do I reconcile taking it up the ass with being a Sir?  First, I do that by remembering the Kake example above: the character we most associate with our top leather imagery wasn’t a total top and seemed to really like some bottoming action mixed in.

Second, I remember that the words I use inform the meaning they impart.  I top, but I am not a Top — I am more than that.  I bottom, but I am not a Bottom — I am more than that as well.

Third, I remember that while LeatherSir is a “players” title, as a regional and potentially international titleholder, being a “Sir” is more than just beating and buttsex.  My title agreements included both fundraising and workshops — serving the community and passing my skills onto others.  In it’s ultimate form, a LeatherSir is (to me) someone who is known for his skills in leather and who is sought out for them (and by extension, who passes them on, whether in group workshops or one-on-one with a partner/boy/someone being mentored).

A man who is not known for his skills is invisible; he may be great at what he does, but he doesn’t participate in his leather community and his skills benefit no one but himself.  A man who is not sought out for his skills is too private or too quiet — or to self-effacing to admit that his skills are worthy.  A man who does not pass his skills on will see them die with him.

These are what truly qualify a leather Sir to me.  What those skills are — be they making leather gear or throwing a whip or taking a fist in the ass — matter less than the fact that he has them, is known for them, and shares them with others.

If I can achieve that (and I think I have), then anyone who looks askance at me being really good at getting fisted (and doing it in return) is actually observing his own limits, not mine.

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Updated on August 6, 2012:

Touch-up edits and added links.

Updated on August 9, 2012:

Better example images.

Updated on February 24, 2015:

Pussied-out the naughty bits on a pic to try and keep Google from blocking the blog.

Thoughts on “Old Guard” Leather

This was prompted by a post on Fetlife’s Gay Mens Virtual Leather Bar from several months ago.

Here is a collection of thoughts on the subject of “Old Guard” Leather.  It is not intended as a complete survey of the subject, nor even a complete picture of my own views on it.

Codewords and Definitions

• When someone describes himself as “Old Guard” or “Old Guard trained”, this is a code phrase, attempting to distill a communal understanding of what this person accepts and expects into a sound bite.  Which means that if you don’t have the same understanding as he does, the communal part of it can get lost.
• What are they guarding?  Does it even need guarding?  Or are they guarding against something?
• Interesting definition of “old guard” (from Wikipedia): “A conservative, reactionary faction that is unwilling to accept new ideas.”  Boy, that doesn’t sound like something positive for the leather community.
• The Wikipedia entry on “Old Guard” leather is is pretty sparse, and loaded with “citation needed” notes, indicating pretty clearly that it shouldn’t be trusted as complete (and maybe not as accurate).
• So far as I know, the term “Old Guard” in reference to leather generations dates only to 1989, to an editorial from Andy Mangels in Drummer Magazine.  Like many things dubbed ever-so-important to leather today, the concept didn’t exist at all 20-some years ago and didn’t gain the mindshare it does now until somewhere around the turn of the millennium.
• As a lover of puns, may I offer up that leathermen who like old Thor comics are Mid Guard?  Or that leathermen who are graphic designers and typesetters are Avant Guard?  Or that anyone who wants to battle about this subject should be required to say “En Guard!”  (And that if you don’t get these jokes, I think you need to get out more.)

The Myth of “Old Guard”

• Some people treat “Old Guard” as an identifiable or definable era or set of people, typically as a set of originators, although the actual definition or identification is never pinned down.  Unless you buy into “intelligent design”, though, you recognize that the leather community as we know it was not created wholesale on the first Sunday after autumnal equinox (the old traditional date for Folsom Street Fair, of course) in 1956.  What we have today is what evolved from what we had years ago.  Whatever we had in that never-quite-definable era that is dubbed “Old Guard” also must have evolved from what came before it.
• As a result of that evolution, tagging any particular era or generation as “Old Guard” and implying that they were the start, or at least the first self-recognized group, has problems.  In general, no grouping of leathermen is going to say “We were first”; they will say “The guys who came before us were first”.  Which is why we can’t pin these things down, box them up, and put a nice bow on them (with a fancy shibari knot, of course).

The Truth of “Old Guard”

• If you feel you have to tell me you are “Old Guard”, then you probably can’t show me.
• If you have to tell me you are “Old Guard” because you’re not allowed to show me, then I know you’re full of shit.
• Proclaiming yourself as “Old Guard” is one-upmanship, a way of saying “I’m a real leatherman (and you aren’t).  Prove me wrong.”  (Challenge accepted!)
• Saying that you are “Old Guard” or “Old Guard trained” tells me clearly that you aren’t.  It invites me to look for the cracks in your claims, where otherwise I would be content to take you at face value.

What is “edge play”?How do you do “edge play” in a contest fantasy?

For our contest, we had a weekend theme of “Edge Play”.  Each of the regions for ILSb (sixteen of them) are assigned a theme (at random, I think).  In past years, our region has had Rough Trade and Outdoors, among others.  I’m not sure how tightly integrated these are into the contests for each region.  For our contest, we were supposed to include Edge Play into our fantasy, although without any discussion of what that means (and what it doesn’t mean).

Here’s what the International site says:

The themes are intended to inspire contestants’ onstage fantasies that are appropriate to the image of masculine leather sexuality and to showcase the diversity of leather interests.  The themes are not intended to be restrictive.  ILSb contestants are encouraged to be creative and expand the boundaries of their themes.

Here are a few definitions from online sources:

In BDSM, edgeplay is a subjective term for types of sexual play that are considered to be pushing on the edge of the traditional safe, sane and consensual creed.
— Wikipedia

EDGE PLAY is the action of offering new challenges to the Edges of play you and your submissive are already familiar with.  Every physical challenge is equally mentally challenging as it is asking your submissive to reach beyond where they think they can
— Steel-Door Newsletter

Refers to rough and deviant sex play, intercourse and foreplay
— UrbanDictionary.com

The most widely used definition of “edge play” at the moment is playing at the threshold of someone’s limits of fear, pain or endurance.  For someone who has never been tied up before and is terrified of bondage, that first rope around their wrists might well be edge play.  But if he or she has no fear of bondage then the first rope isn’t edge play at all.  It doesn’t become edge play until the Top and bottom go on the journey all the way out to the edge (whatever and wherever that may be) - and then stop and play there for a while.
— John Pendal, International Mr. Leather 2003

1. Edgeplay is SM play that involves a chance of harm, either physically or emotionally.  It’s also subjective to the players involved; what is risky for me might not be risky for you and visa versa.  A few examples of edge play under this definition are fireplay, gunplay, rough body play including punching and wrestling, breath play and blood play.
2. Edgeplay can also literally mean play with an edge.  Such examples of play are cutting, knives, swords and other sharp implements.  These forms of edge play also fall under the broad term in #1.
3. Any practice which challenges the limits or boundaries of one or more of the participants.
   — SubmissiveGuide.com

In my own experience, especially as comes to contest stage fantasies (which let’s be frank, are playing at Edge Play, not Edge Play themselves), Edge Play typically takes one of two forms: Abduction/Rape fantasies (that is, non-consensual/no safeword) or Gun/Knife (that is, inherent danger.  Those two forms are what people have come to expect in an Edge Play presentation.  And thus stuff which should be edgy actually becomes old hat because it has been done enough that the edge has been scraped right off it.

Personally, I like the last definition piece above: challenging limits and boundaries.  I like that because it allows any scene to tackle Edge Play — you don’t have to involve violence or physical danger, but you still have to push boundaries for what is comfortable, allowed, and accepted.  This allows more freedom to reach for the edge, but only if you are willing to take that freedom.  If the bottom can’t handle being restrained, any ropeplay can be edge for him.  Turning the tables on a 100% top can be edge play to the top.

In a contest fantasy, doing “edge play” is two steps more difficult.  First, this is a stage presentation, and most things are thus faked up to some degree.  (Things are at least somewhat pre-choreographed, both parties know the script, warm-up and foreplay get left out, and everything gets compacted to fit in a few minutes of real time.)  Depending on the venue rules, you likely can’t do actual penetration.  You can’t fellate a real gun; you can’t actually cut the bottom or put in hooks or anything resulting in blood and body fluids other than spit; you can’t use open flames.  And the audience knows this, so the power of a takedown, an abduction, a gang rape very quickly evaporates — how long can the audience’s willing suspension of disbelief last when people around them are chit chatting?  Second, the stage fantasy is performance art, and the meaning of art is in the eye of the audience.  It isn’t just you and a partner up there, it is you and a partner and the judges and the audience.  Even if what you are doing is/would be edge play to you, it probably isn’t edge play to everyone present.  (As they say, “What I do is normal, what he does is edge play.”  It doesn’t matter what it is you are doing, someone finds it scary, someone finds it hot, and someone did it three years ago at Inferno and is looking for something new.)

Is watersports edge play?  Is fisting edge play?  Is foodplay edge play?  Is suspension play?  Predicament bondage?  Blindfolded anonymous sex?  Breathplay?  Gender play?  Domestic violence?  Scat?

(Now put the word “simulated” before each of those, and “to the judges and audience” after them.)

With my fantasy, a couple of the judges scoresheets indicated that they didn’t think the fantasy was very edgy.  On the other hand two prominent leather community members who were present (both former titleholders) turned out to have hard limits with foodplay, and the themes in my fantasy totally squicked them.  For myself, portions of the fantasy were right in line with my regular kink actitivities, portions were an area I’ve only been able to explore my own limits with in the past few months, and portions were completely new ground for me.  (So it was in some was personal edge play.)

(One portion of the fantasy didn’t come off quite as hoped for; things would have been about three steps further into “edge play” if it had, and if I redo the fantasy at Northwest Sash Bash or International next year, I will ensure that component gets done right.)

In retrospect, I can see two places that I failed to accomplish the edge play aspects as well as perhaps I should have (but these are also things which can be fixed next time!):

• While deciding to not do the expected (overdone) versions of Edge Play, I perhaps ended up playing things too subtle, so that the judges and others looking for Edge Play would need to look harder, beyond their own preconceived notions, which isn’t always easy for someone to do.  I could have included some “danger” references, for example, to give people looking for something standard a tidbit to chew on.
• I relied on the uncommon nature of the activities being done in the fantasy, and the frequent setting and violating of expectations, to carry across the “edge” nature of things.  I could have been more upfront about that, having the dialogue and body language indicate reluctance and fear of the activities being done, to carry that the actions were edge play in the fantasy (rather than just another Saturday night at the bar).

For most of the audience, I don’t think they had a clue that “edge play” was supposed to be involved, nor had much thought as to what that might entail.  But niether do I think they cared.  They were just fucking well entertained by what they got!

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Updated on September 19

Alternately, I could have just tied up the bottom and forced him to list to U2 songs.  Because then he would have heard (bad pun alert) the Edge play.