Pics from Anchorage (June 14–18)

Here are pics from my Anchorage trip.

The Kenai Peninsula, seen across Turnagain Arm, 30 minutes drive from Anchorage

Early Leather Influences

Some leathermen are lucky enough to have had experienced leathermen bring them into the community as newbies, to serve as mentor or daddy or sir.  I’m not one of them.  I started taking my first steps into leather in 1991, and I mostly had to find my own way.  I had to learn now to navigate the leather bar and the leather scene largely by myself, gleaning info where I could from whom I could.

The internet was there in terms of newsgroups and mailing lists only.  alt.sex.bondage, soc.motss, and the Bears Mailing List were about the only resources I had.

Apparently I did a good enough job — I’m still here.  While I can name individuals who had an impact on me and how I turned out after my first few years — Don Thompson, Jeff Tucker, Mr. Marcus, Mark Dreier (of the Loading Dock), George Wong, Jeff Henness, Dave Rhodes — they were not mentors in the usual sense, nor were they early influences.

My earliest leather influences were actually fictional (or at least fictionalized) characters.

Society of Creative Anachronism

I got involved in the SCA in grad school, in 1988 or so, via friends who were also in the local Rocky Horror Picture Show cast.  For those not up on the concept, the SCA is a medieval recreation group, which includes both mock medieval fighting (even full out “wars”) and medieval arts (song, dance, food, handcrafts).

In particular, it is an attempt to celebrate the good parts of the Middle Ages.  Everyone is nobility (a lord or lady) unless they want to play other roles.  Issues of poverty, classism, serfdom, plague — those are pretty much side-stepped in favor of presenting positive re-creation.

Things I picked up from the SCA:

• Honor and chivalry
• Focus on the good things
• Be able to be heard across a room or a field (I did field heraldry — outdoor announcements)
• The idea that Sir and Master are titles which are earned by a person by exhibiting and passing on skills (whether at arms or in craft), and that a title is granted by others, not assumed by the individual just because they want it

The Desert Peach

The Desert Peach — Pfirsich Marie Rommel — is a comic book character (from the comic book of the same name) created by Donna Barr, the fictional brother of Erwin Rommel, the Desert Fox.  He is a gay man in the World War II German army, stationed in northern Africa and overseeing a battalion of misfits which makes M*A*S*H look normal.

Who would think a comedy about a gay German officer could have depth and influence?  Donna Barr created a rich world and supporting cast for the character, who was presented as very competent, controlled, and principled individual.

Things I picked up from The Desert Peach:

• Again, honor and chivalry
• Being your own man even when those in power are against you
• Being a leader who inspires those who follow you
• That guys in uniform can be hot and sexy, yet with a tender side

Dr.  Frank N.  Furter

That’s right, I count the transvestite mad scientist from the Rocky Horror Picture Show among my most fundamental early leather influences.  It is easy to dismiss him, but there is a lot of depth to the character.

Think about it:

• He embraces who he is and what he likes
• He doesn’t let others dictate his behaviors or his fashion choices
• He wields a mean riding crop (so does the Desert Peach, actually!)
• He likes sex, and he likes to have it with a variety of partners
• He recognizes the value of an entrance and a well-done performance
• He has a vision for what he wants and he follows through on it
• He surrounds himself with people who will support him and help him see his vision through to the end

  — Okay, he failed on that one in the end, but he tried!

A Sir Without a Boy?

One of the questions I wonder whether it will come up at International is why I don’t have a collared boy either with me or at home.  The extension of that being whether a leather Sir is truly a Sir without a (collared) boy, and likewise whether a leather boy is truly a boy with a Sir and a Sir’s collar.

(I should make this completely clear: this is about a collared relationship-boy, nothing to do with Dan, my title-boy.)

On the basest level, I find that question, or at least the concept behind it, to be pretty offensive.  If we are so adamant that “leather” is what we are inside, and that “boy” is not dependent on age, experience, or even gender, then shouldn’t “Sir” also be about what is inside rather than on whether someone else has a length of chain around his neck?

That said, while the length of chain is theoretically symbolic, I know people for whom the physical symbol is vitally important to their own self-worth — boys exhibiting signs of depression when not collared and seeking collaring from any potential Sir, regardless of whether a suitable relationship exists already or not.  And I know others for whom the collar is an inseparable part of their play — tops who use a collar in basically any 1-on-1 scene they do, developing an ever expanding stable of “collared” boys.

For myself, after my last significant relationship ended a bit over two years ago, I really had no interest in trying to move into another relationship quickly.  Heck no: I was interested in playing far more than dating.  Although that relationship had ended, it had done good things in strengthening the side of my personality that sought out sexplay; I was much more able to ask for and pursue what I wanted now, and it was working.  I figured that if a relationship fell out of play, super, and if it didn’t for a while, no worries.

It wasn’t until about a year ago that I started getting that itch, thinking about an a more formal relationship again.  Of course, now with the LeatherSIR title, I had incentive to look at that possibility from a different angle, and to give good thought to whether I wanted to seek out a leatherboy with the possible intent of collaring.

One stopper for me there has been my personal feelings on what a collar means.  Most leathermen agree that it is symbolic or representative of the relationship, but there is a lot of difference on the “seriousness” indicated.  If you look online, you will find references to play collars and training collars and collars of consideration and so forth, but ultimately it comes down to the two people.  Other than collars used strictly within a play scene to establish roles (including puppy collars), to me, a collar is the equivalent of “going steady” (or more), of a relationship that has moved beyond light dating/fucking/etc., into something more serious.

So that’s the biggest piece of the question:
— Why don’t I have a collared boy?  Because I am not in a relationship with someone at a level where a collar is appropriate.

The second piece, then, is why aren’t I in that sort of a relationship?  If I’ve been thinking about it for going on a year, surely I’ve moved beyond thinking into looking, right?  Of course I have.  But if a relationship involving a collar has to be at the right level to warrant one, then it also has to be the right relationship, with the right boy, at the right time.  And that’s one of the difficulties I have had, is finding a boy with the right values, interests, experiences, and sexual focus to mesh with me.

Maybe I’m too picky — some would say so, I’m sure.  Maybe I’m good at driving them away.  Maybe I discard options too soon.  All I can really say is that I have had both play and public display (whether genuine date or just accompanying me to a leather social event) opportunities with a few boys over the past several months and I haven’t found someone with the right combination to continue forward with for more than a few encounters.

There is one definite roadblock, though: the title, or at least the activities I’ve accepted as part of the title.  Not that I’m avoiding star fuckers — hah, if a boy wants me to fuck him as because of the title as because of me, no problem (at least once).  But this year, basically every Saturday from late March to late September has been booked with a local event or an out-of-town trip or a party I am hosting.  It has been a struggle to find the time to mow my lawn this summer, getting into the dating swing where I carve out time specifically to spend building that sort of a relationship, that is very challenging.

But I’m still looking.  The right boy will come along some day and grab my brass ring, but in the meantime, I’m still going to have a fulfilling leather life (including plenty of hot sex).

Where Am I?

Want to find me in more places online?  Here is where to look for me.

Blogs

I currently have three blogs, where you can find my thoughts about all sorts of topics, leather and otherwise:

• Northwest LeatherSIR 2012 (this one)
• SoundsKinky (despite the name, intended for general audiences)
• SoundsKinky-er (adult, often NSFW content)

Website

My personal website is soundskinky.com

You can find links to my blogs, my old Rubberize website (with older pics, trip reports, leather book reviews and other writing, an older blog, and porn stories), and a couple other defunct web projects of mine.

Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/soundskinky

Twitter

I have a Twitter feed, but I have never tweeted anything, and I doubt I ever will.  I would have to dig around to find and log into it.

FetLife

I am on FetLife under “NWLeatherSIRJim”.

Cruise Sites

I have profiles on a bunch of different cruise sites, all with basically the same profile text and mostly the same pics.  They all use the profile name “mykindofrain”.  The ones I check most often:

• Adam4Adam
• AssPig
• Bear411
• Manhunt
• Recon

You can also find my profile (same profile name) on DaddyHunt, XtremeFistMen, Squirt, and for the next time I travel to Europe, GayRomeo.  On Bruizr, I should be under “Jim (mykindofrain)”, but I’m not sure how well their search works.

On mobile devices, look for me on Grindr, Growlr, Mister, and Scruff.  Since you can’t search for someone by name on most of those, you’ll usually have to find me as “Jim”.

Porn

Yes, it is true, there is some porn of me out there.  Not a whole lot, although if someone wants to have me do more (and pay me), let me know.

You can find a photo spread of me (from about 8 years ago) at TopBear.com, under the name “Thom”

You can find a couple home videos (a couple years old) on XTube, under “rubberseattle”.

Alameda County Leather Contest • June 28–July 2

Back in the late 1990s, when I lived in San Mateo, CA, I started reaching out to have more than the haphazard leather community I had as a commuter into San Francisco (30 minutes each way).  There was no leather community in San Mateo county, so I ventured across the Bay to Hayward, where the Alameda County Leather Corps was based.

When I saw the call for contestants for this year’s ACLC contest earlier this year, I sent them an e-mail and offered to come down to be a judge for the contest.  My membership class included Andrew “Bootdog” Johnson (International Mr. Bootblack 2008) and Joan Norry (American Leatherwoman 2008), so there’s certainly something to be said for ACLC in the late 90s; I’m hoping to make it the latest big title for the class and the club.

As with IMsL in March/April, I flew down on Thursday and stayed until Monday, to work from the San Francisco office (and get reimbursement for some of the costs for the weekend).  With the contest in the East Bay (Hayward for the Meet & Greet, Oakland for the contest), I looked to stay in Oakland and checked out places close to both BART and walking distance to the contest site, ending up at the Washington Inn, right across from the Oakland Convention Center at about $90 pert night (including tax); easily $30 or more cheaper than staying in San Francisco would have been.

Meet & Greet

I took BART to Hayward and walked the few blocks to the World Famous Turf Club.  The Turf Club has changed locations in the past decade and Hayward has grown up so much in that part of town that I recognized nothing.  The Meet & Greet included dinner (salad, steak, potato, strawberry pie).  After introductions of the contestants (Christy Ford and Jay Williams) and the judges (myself, American Leatherwoman 2011 Trinity, Ms. World Leather 2001 Annie Romano, Ms. San Francisco Leather 2012 Miss Bethie Bee, and the first Mr. Alameda County Leather 1992(?) Mark McKee) and staff (tallymaster Mark Ingham, judges boy American Leatherboy 2011 Tyler Fong), we went upstairs for the judging.

Keeping with the sexplay focus of the LeatherSIR title, and having recently been the gay presenter at a pansexual leather conference, my first question was what they would teach at such a conference.  This was intended to make them think mostly about what they feel they are knowledgeable enough to teach, plus to put in play that potential unknown factor of teaching to a kinky straight audience.  The second question was what BDSM activities they did that would be “scary” enough to do at a perceived high-end queer play party, given that some people are reluctant to attend such because they don’t feel “scary” enough.

Contest

Saturday night, the walk to the contest venue (Humanist Hall) turned out to be longer than I expected, so I had to catch a taxi to be there in time… to hang around and wait.  After about an hour, the judges and some of the staff headed out to dinner at an Italian restaurant called Milano.  Once back at the venue, the contest flowed pretty well, although with only two contestants, there was an added break needed for a costume change.

There was also a decent sized silent auction.  San Francisco Leather Daddy 2009 Gauge Strongarm and I kept outbidding each other on a motorcycle jacket and riding gloves.  We eventually talked during a break and realized that he was more after the jacket and I was more after the gloves, so we made a deal to stop outbidding each other and split the win ($50 for the jacket, $30 for the gloves — Harley Davidson riding gloves with zip-off cuffs (can’t find an image online) for varying times of year).

The contest proceeded just fine.  The standout piece was Jay WIlliams’ fantasy, where a puppy with a cigar in his mouth led onto the stage trailing chains, followed by Jay in a major genderfuck leather outfit that looked like it was snatched from (leather Empress) Snatch’s closet: corset, long leather skirt open at the front, high heels (putting him at like 7'2"), and a high collar piece.  He lit the pup’s cigar, then took it for himself.  Very hot, and borderline disturbing.

Weekend Play

Fuck yes, I got some.

Friday afternoon, I played with a 24 year-old Australian surfer boy with small hands and a nice sized cock, which both fit quite nicely at the same time.  (A first for him.)

Friday night was a bust in two directions.  Foremost was the guy Alan I connected with off AssPig.  He talked a good story but when we got back to his place, he was incredibly scattered and unable to focus on actually getting down to play, so I eventually had him take me back to my hotel.  In the process, I had to turn down Bob, who has wanted to play with me for a while, and that offended him a bit.

Bob,

I’m sorry we didn’t get to play, but don’t go calling me a flake for standing you up.  An exchange of a few messages on Bear411 two months before the trip (and none since, and no other direct contact info for in between) where we say that yes, playing during the weekend would be a good thing does not constitute a date.  If we had set a specific night of the weekend, maybe — I was there for four nights, even if you were only available for one — but we didn’t set things that well.  Sorry, but I was neither an ass nor a flake.

Saturday afternoon, I ventured into San Francisco to play with Philippe, a furry bear from Paris.  We only had about 90 minutes to play before I had to head back to Oakland and him to the airport, but that bear had a hungry hole, eating up hands and cock.

After the contest, I had hoped to get into the City for the FistCity party, but by the time I walked back to the hotel and got ready, it was 11 pm.  Fortunately, I had a backup option: Sergio and José, whom I had played with back in March.  This time, I brought my own lube, remembering their penchant for using water-based hot lube(!).  I still didn’t take Sergio’s fucking huge hand, but José set a new depth record and made it past the second sphincter!  I slept at their place until about 7 am, when I could catch MUNI and BART back to Oakland, where I caught another 3 hours sleep and then had a mediocre dim sum buffet brunch.

Saturday afternoon, I went over to the home of Brad (whom I had played with at FistFest) and Gary (whom I had played with in April), to play with them and a fourth guy whose name I don’t recall now.  Brad and I started off with some hood play and mild CBT, and then into fisting.  After a while, we switched and Gary and I fucked and fisted.

Played out, I made it back to the hotel and collapsed into bed.  Worked the next day from the San Francisco office and made it home (with no plane delay this time)!

Dream Journal: June 30, 2012

Oh, dear.  Now I’ve started dreaming about the contest!

I was in a forested setting, apparently an outdoor camp with cabins, and it was International LeatherSIR contest weekend.  All the contestants were there, as were Sir Alan and Pup Nitro.  Everyone was bare-chested with towels in hand, going to or coming from morning showers.

The camp cabin concept was obviously left over from the presenter housing at Northern Exposure.

Leather Spirituality

During my contest interview, Luna asked for my views on Leather Spirituality (or maybe it was Leather and Spirituality; I’m going to treat those as the same thing, although they may not be).  I gave a somewhat rambling answer, circling around the question before landing on it.  (I’m not sure this post will do any better a job.)

Religion can be a sensitive subject in the gay and kink community, or at least practicing religion or even respect for it can be.  Declaring your disdain for it, or how you have overcome it, those are commonplace.

Some people reading this are thinking I made a jump from spirituality right into organized religion and are starting a mental protest.  And that’s true, so far as it goes, and it’s why my original answer had rambled.

I’m a PK, a Preacher’s Kid.  My father was a Presbyterian minister, who then shifted to become a Methodist minister about the time I was 10 or 11, I think.  (I don’t know the details, beyond that the small town church he served was jointly shared by both denominations and I think at least a third as well.)  To me, separating religion and spirituality doesn’t register.

I gave up on organized religion years ago.  I respect it.  I respect those who embrace it.  I value the Bible, I accept the validity (if not the explicit truth) of the Christ myth, etc., but I don’t have a need for the “organized” part of it, for the creation of community resulting from having someone else do to the formal job of worshipping for you.  If I need to feel the presence of God, I just look out at nature.

I don’t seek religious or spiritual experiences through sex play, either.  I don’t look to transcend earthly reality or to find metaphysical enlightenment via intense experiences in the playroom any more than I look for them on the dance floor during a really hot line dance or taking the curves on a fast-moving two-wheeled vehicle.

(Maybe it’s my analytical, Virgo nature as well.  I seek understanding, not that which cannot be understood.)

All this said, despite not looking for spirituality in my sex play, I have had extreme experiences during sex which others might attribute to the godhead.  On the basest level, this has included sensations of floating, being physically disconnected from the events, and “going to my happy place” (complete mentally separated from what is going on).  Fisting is especially prone to these feelings, with its extreme sensations and deep connection with the play partner.  The sensory deprivation from a hood can also provoke these sorts of sensations.  Mild drug use like poppers and pot can also be contributory factors.

On several occasions, I have seen balls of energy and even neon lightning flash around the play space.  I routinely speak in tongues during a scene and afterwards may have quiver reactions similar to seizures (or aftershocks).  I have experienced at least one genuine out-of-body experience, seeing the entire scene from several feet above.  And one time I saw elder gods and screamed in terror.  (Note: elder gods don’t respect safewords.)